It's fun to use fancy words. Its entertaining to curl your mind in the dictionary like a pretzel; but most of all its sustaining to spend time with yourself and learn about your needs.
I need a broad canvas, myself, because that is the wonder of life. I enjoy exploring the facets of my mind and body and heart. I also appreciate the unknown. Coming back into the flow of life was quite the process.. I'm not exactly sure where I was stationed prior. Some vague and distant place, undefined and frozen in nature. To merge into the stream of life has a major qualitative difference and the weather turning to spring here is a great reflection of this feeling. The environment is thawing and I pray the hearts of the Minnesotan people as well.
The winter is an enduring time for many. I suffered and bled out alot of experiences this past half of winter. I fought the demons of depression, confusion, and indecision. I planted seeds of self love and self defense. I defined my personality and life has taken upon new meanings. Truly there is no end to it! The influences and discoveries, the feelings and thoughts.. I tremble at the thought of its magnitude and scope.
In my earlier years, 2008-2011 I was quite the trailblazer in spirit. I relentlessly opened myself up to life and boy was it intense. I seem to have resumed this way of loving life and its phases still show intensity and pain; trial and glory, beauty and excitement.
I am not always sure how others experience life, what they see or sense, or if they are even aware. In my own life I am astutely aware and study my surroundings. Feeling deeply is a blessing and curse too. Because you are susceptible to so many different feelings and waves that it feels like lifetimes fly by, worlds and matter sprawl out and are recreated. Its immense and scary and everything in between.
I will wrap up this entry with a mid-sized poem. If you have read through this I thank you for checking and your time considering my thoughts. You are very much loved.
Passengers on purple sails
destined and approaching
the time we spend to journey in
but droplets in an ocean
what in us can sense this truth?
some spirit or detector?
I just know if I bottom out
I'll bridge the gap, forever
I cannot fall to fever
I lean upon the moment
I love in such a frenzy
That my soul needs atonement
Each step it states a story
each story states a purpose
the few, the far, the in between
the voyagers of cosmic dream
take the search upon your wings
sail the oceans broad and deep
rest upon the battered shores
dare to live the life you lead
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